“All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all”
– Gungor ~ Beautiful Things
I’ve been trying to start writing for about an hour or so now. I usually sit down on my couch at night and turn on the television or grab a bite to eat or load itunes and just start in with a blog or my journal or whatever. It’s my time to unwind. My time to sit down and not think about a darn thing. That is when I get in before it’s time for bed.
I don’t know about you, but I really feel like I need some unwind time at some point during my week. Tonight is that night. Every other night I’ve got something going on and will be out late, so I’m cleaning and reading and writing this evening. I can’t tell you how excited I was all day thinking that I got to go home right after work.
It was ridiculous.
It was a beautiful break in the midst of a crazy schedule. Just an evening to sit down and do nothing if that’s what I chose to do. Little secret? I might even go to bed before 9:00 p.m. I’m okay with that.
Lately I’ve been trying to focus more on the little things. It’s been rainy and gross here for about two weeks now, but I got my car fixed so now it doesn’t shake while driving down the road. Seriously, you probably could have mixed a drink just by setting it in the back seat. I’m good for another 200,000 miles in that car. Hopefully not, but unfortunately probably so. It’s the ones that you really want to die that never do. My latest thinking on a new car? Yeah, I’m still going to wait till this one is worn out more, but what do you think of this?
Right? I could totally see me driving that. Of course I haven’t seen one in person, but the pictures look pretty cool.
I had another dream the other night. It was kind of a funny one. I did go ahead and send it to my friend. I love dreams. God choosing a very special intimate way to speak to you about something in your life. Awesome.
I had started a HUGE project a little over a week ago. It’s something that I’m very excited about. I’m not ready to share details yet, but I’m very excited about it. I believe that my last few dreams and this new one are all related to each other and to this new project. It’s good stuff.
What I also find so stinking crazy is that God can use me. Me who can’t watch scary movies ’cause I’ll be up all night. Me who is a totally type A personality and really doesn’t like it when things don’t go the way I think they should go. Me who messing things up more times than I get it right. Yeah. That’s the one. That’s me.
He takes all of my flaws and failures and creates this idea and love and passion inside of me and uses it for something good. Only God can do that.
I’m thankful for a night in withing nothing to do. I’m thankful for a God who can use me despite myself. And I’m thankful that He can take my mess and make beautiful things.