It’s been lingering the last couple nights. I’d only notice it when I would go to bed, but I wouldn’t notice it all the time. It wasn’t overpowering, but just enough to know that there’s something amiss. Last night I finally gave in to the idea that I’m probably going to have to do something to take care of it.
I have a dead mouse somewhere in my bedroom.
AND I have no idea where it is.
At least I assume it’s a mouse. I had no idea that I had any live mice in the house, so for one to be around and dead is a little surprising, but I’m going to go with that it’s a mouse instead of something bigger and grosser…
Last night, though, it wasn’t as noticeable. Maybe I’ll get lucky and whatever is dead isn’t IN the house. Maybe it’s just under the house. Maybe another scavenger of some sort got under the house, too, and was eager to take whatever was making that wonderful smell back to it’s home to enjoy it there. As long as it’s gone I don’t care what happened.
What I’m really not looking forward to is going home tonight and figuring out where the smell is coming from, if it’s still there. I honestly have no problem looking for the problem. The issue I’m going to have is doing something about it. What will probably end up happening is I’ll call my brother or dad, who live just down the road, and have them get rid of the stinkiness. I’ll spray the room with my wonderful Mrs. Meyer’s Basil Room Freshener and pretend like it never happened. Okay. I might set a few traps tonight just in case there are any other lurking in the shadows, but beyond that, I’ll pretend like it never happened.
Yeah. I have no problem in the world looking for issues. Issues I have with people. Problems in the world that really need to be worked on. Problems with politicians (not even gonna go there…sorry). And problems that are ruining peoples lives that they obviously can’t see. I really don’t even have a problem identifying what I need to do to become a better person.
But what is the use of finding problems if I’m not going to do anything about it. What is the point in complaining about some injustice if I’m not going to change it?
What is the point in looking deep into into the shadows of my own soul only to realize that I don’t even want to deal with this?
Yeah. You heard me. Ouch.
I’ve been stumped for about two days on what to write after this. Honestly, I’m still not sure. Let’s face it, we’re only going to try to do something about things we’re passionate about.
I heard someone say something the other night that broke my heart. During the conversation this person said something about their worthlessness.
Don’t ever believe that that you are worthless. Get passionate about yourselves. God is. He wouldn’t have created us otherwise, right? When we don’t love ourselves, we’re not willing to make changes that will make us better, healthier, etc.
I’ve been there. Some days I’m still there.
“…for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: “Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Ephesians 5:14
It’s His light that gives us passion and makes us see who we are in Him. And I’m of the opinion that He thinks we’re pretty awesome. Even when we screw up and even when we hurt Him.
The question I ask myself most is this: Can I be truly effective in the ministry of this blog, in my every day love, in love, in grace and even in just existing if I don’t know who I am in Christ? I believe that if I’m living in His will fully, then He’s effective through me. Let’s face it, I’m nothing without the grace of God. But if I’m really honest, I still have doubts a lot that God can use me in something. I have doubts that I’ll say the right thing at the right time, and I have doubts that I can be of use in the Kingdom.
But the way I have to believe is that God created me for a purpose and a plan, and that He’s going to find a way to use me even when I feel completely worthless.
So we need to find out what we’re passionate about, what are the things we want to change about ourselves and about the world and then work towards that.
What are you going to start changing? Me? I’m gonna find that stinking mouse…