Man, there are just some days you just really know you shouldn’t have ever gotten out of bed. Some days you just gotta wonder is it all worth it? Those thoughts are only fleeting. My flesh seems to think those things, but thankfully, knowing Jesus, my spirit wins out. There’s some days it takes a little longer for my spirit to overtake my flesh, but so far it’s always won. There’s some days I want to wallow in self-pity when I need to fight, and there’s some days I want to fight when I just really need to take a minute and figure stuff out.
I’m so thankful for my father. I got most of my temperament from him. He’s a pretty laid back guy. I’m a pretty laid back girl. We both dislike conflict, and he taught me to think things out before I acted. What I got from my mom in temperament is that urgency to act that sometimes overtakes the urge to think it all the way out. Which in a lot of cases has worked out well for me. Sometimes you just need to act. Sometimes you just need to sit and know and trust.
I think I’m having a harder time with the trust part of that than I should be having. My friends broke it to me a few years back that even though as laid back as I was, I was still a pretty “type A” personality. I like to have control of situations and am uncomfortable in situations that I don’t have control over. I’ve been working on it over the years, at least trying to become aware of when I start taking over when I really don’t need to be in charge. The “good” thing about my friends is that they’ll help me and point it out to me, as well…lol
I’m learning that I can’t make people think the way I think they should think. I’m learning that even with a completely logical argument, sometimes it’s the totally illogical line of thinking that wins out. But if you think about it, God is both logical and illogical all at the same time. Sometimes I have to take a step back and realize that some of the things that happen in my life and the lives of my friends is the least logical thing I could ever imagine. But then I have to think that it’s my my standards that judge what makes sense or not. It’s all up to God, and I either have the choice to accept it or to fight it…and I’ll tell you what, when I’ve chose to fight, I haven’t ever come out on top…fortunately.
Man, I’d screw everything up, wouldn’t I? Yes. I believe so.
Father, I believe. Help my unbelief.