The Motions

A girl I went to grade school and high school passed away this week.  She had moved away after high school, gotten married, had kids, but she had also gotten involved in drugs pretty heavily wherever she had moved.  By the time she moved back to town I didn’t even recognize her.  She was just the shell of the person she had been.  She was vibrant and so full of life, and these chemicals had just sucked any life away from her.  She had started to get her life back together and just recently had checked herself into rehab from my understanding.  Rehab is where she died.

I have a hard time coming to grips with this.  She had made a decision to get her life back and then it was taken from her.  I know that there’s a plan and a purpose, but it’s still a little fresh.

What I’ve been thinking about a lot since her death is how we can never be too far gone for God to take us back.  We may wreak havoc on our lives and our bodies, but God will always take us, however beat up or bruised we are.  I wonder if my friend knew that?  Did I ever tell her?  Did my life show her?

The whole point of this blog was for me to kind of verbalize my struggles and how day after day I sell my birthright for a bowl of soup.  Maybe that would help me realize how often I make compromises that affect my future.  Last Thursday I went to see a nutritionist.  My plan?  I don’t want to just lose weight.  I want to live a healthy life and live my best life in God.  He has created me to function at a certain level, and to be completely honest, I haven’t functioned at that level probably since high school.  Not only was I in great physical condition, but spiritually it was a mountaintop experience for me.  Within the last few years I’ve started having that hunger again for something more.  I KNOW there is something more, and I know it’s better than what I’m living now.  And I know that I’m ready for it now.

I also know that I’m not who I was.  There were “dark days” in my life, as I like to call them.  Somewhere between high school and a couple years ago I got lost.  I lost who I was and who I was in Christ.  I still played the good “church girl” and led music and prayed and inserted my thoughts in discussions, but I was floundering.  I never lost the head knowledge that God was God and still in control.  I lost the faith that He would take care of everything.

Today, though, I’m hungry…and not just for chocolate.  There’s more out there.  I feel it in my spirit.  I feel like I’m finally in the right mindset to just dig in.  While I struggle with my friend’s death, it will serve as a reminder for me to get moving before physically it’s too much for me to take.  There’s more, and I’m going to find it.  Maybe in a few months, I’ll challenge you to a full-court game of basketball?  Wouldn’t that be fun?


About Julie

I'm just a girl struggling to find my place in this world like everyone else. Everywhere I look in my life and the lives of those I love I see God's love, whether it's in good times or bad. God's grace is here, it's amazing and He is totally in love with us!
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